Gratitude

As a form of redemption for all the times I was unable to give it.

Lately there hasn’t been a day where I haven’t given thanks.

Firstly I’m grateful for life, because it really is a blessing. This weekend I was able to hold a space that I view as a first step towards what I view as my life’s work (I can’t mention this without adding that I was able to accomplish this due to the help of my brothers, big shoutouts to Darryl, Kian, & Jayden; as well as many close friends and investors that supported the idea before it became something tangible). I feel blessed to have been able to share the space with so many artists and friends; people I truly do consider to be family (outside of my actual family, which big shoutout to them as well; my brother and my mother were able to come through and be part of this experience).

I’m ecstatic.

Yeah, I like that word… I’ve been using it a lot lately. I genuinely think that’s where I am right now. I’m seeing all the fruits of my labor manifest and honestly, it feels surreal.

I had an experience after leaving the space that really shows me that there’s something greater at play beyond myself. I don’t know what it is; but the universe really does work in strange mysterious ways, and I genuinely do love that because it seems to give you exactly what you need in the most unexpected times. I don’t know what will come from it but I’m so grateful that I had issues finding my wire bag; to those who were part of that ordeal, understand that timing really is everything. And to my brother Kevin who was actually there to witness the experience happen, much love family.

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I had to learn how to give gratitude, it wasn’t always easy for me.

I remember being in this position a few years back after my first show and just feeling this hole, I couldn’t quite place it; but I knew i felt it. A moment where I should’ve felt so proud and happy for myself I couldn’t help but hate so many aspects of it, this is a feeling that has followed me for a majority of my life, across a span of accomplishments and achievements.

I don’t currently feel that so I suppose that’s a marker of success *shrug*.

Following my first show I disappeared for a few years, I really fell into myself. I guess I needed time to figure out what I was really about outside of distractions and vices, funny enough when I dropped the act and cut out a lot of the bullshit I finally started to feel like a real person.

None of it was easy… but here I am.

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My friends and mentors have asked me some very heavy questions over the past week; questions I often think about but never really give them the justice they really deserve.

Have I found happiness?

What is it that I actually want from my work?

How am I approaching each real life and artistic situation with the same care and sensibility that I possess in my head?

What does peace look like for me?

Am I afraid of dying?

For some of those questions, I haven’t found the answers yet; and that’s okay.

There’s no need to fumble around in the dark trying to find the answers to these questions, I know they’ll reveal themselves when the right time presents itself. I often times find myself going on tangents but all this to said to highlight one thought;

I learned to give gratitude because I vividly remember all of the times that I couldn’t.

And that’s actually a really freeing statement in itself.

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My mothers laughter & smile, a growing relationship with my father, my brother seeing light after years of darkness; the ability to be there for my friends and family, and also the ability to allow them to be there for me…

I’ve learned how to genuinely show up for myself, I finally understand my worth…

And I couldn’t ask for more.

To those who see what I’m trying to do with my work, thank you. To every person who can see the potential or has seen the potential before I was able to, thank you. To my friends and family who continue to support, check in, and bring joy and love into my life, thank you.

I know a lot of nuance gets left out when viewing thoughts through a screen, so I’ve been trying to get better at expressing these thoughts in real life and on a personal level. But for now this may be the most immediate outlet.

As always peace n love, many blessings til next time.

Davo